These days, heterosexual men making jokes about hating their wives has become a boomer trope. However, in Japan, one survey revealed that some women hold anywhere from a faint grudge to a burning hatred for their husbands. The question is: why?
Stuck due to money, the kids
The survey comes from Nomad Marketing Group in Japan. In a June 2024 Internet survey, they asked 3,000 married Japanese women, ages 30 to 59, what they thought of their husbands.
The good news: the majority kind of like the big dopes. 34.5% said they love their husbands, with 22.3% saying they somewhat love them.
Sadly, that still leaves a little under half of the respondents disappointed. A full 25.5% are middling on their spouses, saying they neither love nor hate them. However, 8.3% admitted at least a partial hatred of their husbands. A full 9.5% said they flat-out hate them.
That means 17.8% of all respondents – or nearly one-fifth – are in an unhappy marriage. And, unfortunately, many say they feel stuck. When asked why they don’t get a divorce, the majority (878 respondents) said they can’t for economic reasons. The next popular reason was that they’re sticking with it for the kids.
The third biggest reason for sticking it out? They don’t hate their husbands enough to actually leave (“it’s not enough of a reason for divorce”). So I guess these men can breathe easier knowing their wives don’t necessarily loathe them as much as regard them with a sort of sweeping, generalized disappointment. (Sleep tight tonight, fellas.)
The reasons for resentment: Attitude and housework
What’s driving this slow-burning resentment? According to Nomad, the top reason (754 people) is that their partner “lacks consideration” for them and their feelings.
A close second (602 people) is “he does zero housework.” This is a common complaint we’ve covered here in detail before. The vast majority of marriages in Japan – 68.8%, according to Mizuho – are between partners who both work. That’s a new development in Japan’s history: in the 1980s, most women were stay-at-home housewives.
However, men haven’t kept up with the march of time when it comes to housework. The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD), which tracks unpaid labor differences between men and women globally, says nearly every country struggles with a housework imbalance. However, in their last survey, Japan placed dead last.
Men in Japan only do 41 minutes of unpaid labor a day, which includes household chores and child-rearing. Indeed, some men – the so-called furariimen – intentionally stay out late after work so they don’t have to spend time with their spouses or contribute to the household.
Other reasons women gave for disliking their husbands include that their views on money are different (464 women) and that their spouses don’t care for the kids (427).
Marriage in Japan remains on the decline
Japan’s marriage rate has been declining steadily along with its population. The imbalance in housework is one driving factor. Others include Japan’s economic stagnation and people increasingly not wanting kids.
The shift in sentiments towards marriage has sparked a “singles culture” to which more businesses are catering. More restaurants and even karaoke rooms offer spaces and specials to お一人様 (o-hitori-sama, unaccompanied) customers.
The dip in marriages has Japan’s government as well as municipalities scrambling to find ways to convince couples to tie the knot. Recently, Tokyo launched its down dating app, supposedly powered by AI, as a way to encourage more hookups.
It seems like improving the economy and getting men to do their fair share of housework would do more to encourage marriage than any app ever could. But, hey, maybe that’s just me.
Correction: A previous version of this article said that 17.8% is “almost two-thirds.” It certainly is not. We apologize for the error and also regret not paying attention in math class.
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Sources
約5人に1人が「旦那が嫌い」 嫌いになったきっかけは？…既婚女性3000人、それでも離婚しない理由って. Maido na News
「共働き世帯」の割合はどれくらい？家事・育児と両立できる？Mizuho Business Partners
Where does Japan stand in terms of ‘gender’ compared to the rest of the world? Mainichi Shinbun English
