Japanese Mom’s Post “Quitting” Motherhood Ignites Social Media Debate

Japan’s mothers are speaking out about the hidden struggles of parenting. A growing number say they have felt pushed to the edge by unequal domestic burdens, social pressure, and emotional exhaustion. From viral posts to a TV debate, their voices reveal the unspoken reality of motherhood — one that many quietly wish to quit.

Post sparks backlash, exposes deep frustration

A post on X that appeared to be written by a mother raising children recently drew wide attention.

“I’m quitting being a mom. I can’t take being lied to or having promises broken anymore. I won’t cook or handle anything related to school,” she wrote, declaring that she would stop doing housework and school preparations.

“Just act like I’m not here. Even mothers have limits to their patience,” she added, voicing her frustration.

The post sparked an online backlash. Many users condemned her, writing comments such as “So selfish,” “Take responsibility if you gave birth,” “A mother should endure even if she’s angry—it’s her own child,” and “Not cooking is neglect. She’s a criminal.”

Although the original post was later deleted, some others expressed sympathy. “I’m in the same situation,” one wrote. Another said, “I’ve thought about quitting being a mom, too.”

I hit my son and told him I quit, one mother said

According to TV Asahi News, a survey found that 42% of respondents said they “sometimes” feel like quitting motherhood, 23% said they “once felt that way but not now,” and 12% said they feel that way “almost every day.” In total, nearly 80% said they had thought about “quitting being a mother” at some point.

On ABEMA Prime, a news debate program where guests discuss current social and political issues, the show featured women who have struggled with motherhood. They included mothers who felt pain in raising children and even declared they had “quit being a mother,” though they had not actually abandoned their parental roles.

Tsumako, a manga artist who once thought “I want to quit being a mother,” shared her story on the program. She has a 9-year-old son and 7-year-old twin daughters. When her son was three, he entered the tantrum phase, and she was raising her children alone while caring for the one-year-old twins.

During a moment of exhaustion, her son kicked her while crying, and she hit him back. “I thought, I hate him. I don’t even want to see his face,” she recalled. When she was busy, her son would demand attention, and even when she gave him all her energy, he would say, “Not you, Mom.” Gradually, her heart grew tired until she finally told him, “I’m quitting being your mother.”

Overwhelmed by anger, she yelled at him and hit his leg, then felt deep regret. She feared her behavior might escalate into real abuse. Although she never abandoned her children, she endured a painful period before seeking help from the local child consultation center.

Looking back, she said, “There were so many times I didn’t know how to handle things.” After consulting with child welfare staff, she received advice on how to respond to her son and found someone who would listen. “When I talked to the staff, I felt lighter. My feelings brightened, and I stopped thinking negatively about my son. I think I gained a little emotional space,” she said.

When she told her son she would quit being his mother, he cried uncontrollably. “Even then, I couldn’t bring myself to hug him,” she admitted.

Now, besides talking to the staff, she takes two days a month as “days off from being a mom” to rest and refresh herself. “I used to be so tense, always worrying that my son should behave well at kindergarten or be kind to his friends. However, I was told it’s okay to think, ‘It’ll be fine,’ and that helped me move forward,” she said.

Emotionally stepped away from the mother role, a single mother said

Yoshizawa, a single mother in her 40s, decided to step back from her “role as a mother” after years of struggle. She now lives with her 19-year-old son. At one time, however, she wanted to “quit being a mother.”

Their relationship began to break down when her son was 10. The year before, she had divorced, and soon after, her son entered a rebellious phase. They argued daily over small things. Believing distance might help, she sent him to live with his grandmother. However, she was devastated when she learned he had stolen money from her mother. That shock made her feel she had reached her limit as a parent. She even considered consulting the child consultation center, thinking, “I don’t want to live with him anymore.”

After that, Yoshizawa decided to give up the traditional “role of a mother.” She focused on her work and kept her distance from her son. At home, she avoided face-to-face contact and limited interaction. She also began leaving him more often with her parents. “I started seeing him as a separate person and stopped trying to understand each other,” she said.

She also let go of society’s image of the “good mother” and the mindset of “I must do this because I’m a mother.” Still, she made sure to eat meals with her son.

As a result, her irritation and anger lessened, and their conversations increased as he grew older. She said she hadn’t completely quit being a mother, but emotionally, she had stepped away from that role.

“When he had days off from school, I felt I had to spend time with him,” Yoshizawa said. “But back then, I deliberately tried to keep my distance. I truly didn’t want to live with him.”

Even so, she never cut him off entirely. “I still felt responsible for his future and wanted to raise him properly. I just changed how I communicated to keep my emotional balance,” she explained.

Over time, their relationship improved. “Before I knew it, he had grown out of his rebellious phase, and we were able to talk again,” she said.

An NPO highlights new ways to support mothers pushed to the edge of motherhood

According to the nonprofit organization Wheeze, stress from parenting is a major reason some mothers want to quit being a mom. Such stress can sometimes lead to abuse or family breakdown. To help prevent these situations, Wheeze supports children and parents facing difficulties at home. The group operates Michikusa House, a facility where children from troubled families can visit, play, or stay overnight.

Mitsumoto Ayumi, the representative director of Wheeze, says parents who feel like quitting motherhood often need time apart from their children. “I think society should accept that parents and children sometimes need time apart,” Mitsumoto said. “Having that cooling-off period allows families to live more peacefully and helps protect everyone’s rights.”

Wheeze also promotes a semi-foster care program called Every Leaf, which began operating in 2025. Mitsumoto explained, “The idea originally came from France. When people hear the term foster parent, they tend to imagine someone replacing the real parents. But this system is different. During the time parents spend apart from their children, an adult called a Leaf Mate fulfills the child’s needs. If a child wants to go fishing, they go together. If the child wants to talk, the Leaf Mate listens. This gives parents time to take care of themselves.” More than 30 people, carefully selected by professionals, are now registered as Leaf Mates. 

“It made me feel like a housekeeper”

Hana, who lives with her husband and three children, once thought about “quitting being a mother.” “Even though I was working, I was still expected to handle all the childcare,” she said. “It made me feel like a housekeeper.”

Every day, she managed her children’s schedules, her own, and her husband’s. She handled school drop-offs, made lunches, and prepared everything in the morning. “No one praised me for doing it all, but I was criticized when I made mistakes,” she said. What hurt her was when her child told her, “That’s your job, Mom.”

Many working mothers share similar frustrations. Unequal household and childcare responsibilities often place a heavy burden on mothers. Meanwhile, some working men feel they have the freedom to return home whenever they feel like it. This imbalance may leave some feeling that they want to “quit being a mother.”

What’s the real housework split?

According to a 2024 mail survey by Nikkei Inc. on household role-sharing, 53% of respondents said that “husbands and wives should share housework equally.” It was the first time since the survey began in 2018 that the figure exceeded half.

Housework in the survey included cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Until 2019, the most common response had been “the wife mainly does it, and the husband helps.” In 2024, however, 51% of men and 54% of women said couples should divide housework equally.

When asked about childcare, 60% of all respondents said that couples should share parenting responsibilities equally. These results suggest that more people now support equal sharing of domestic and childcare duties.

However, in reality, do couples with children actually divide responsibilities on a true 50–50 basis?

KARADANOTE Inc. released its “Co-Parenting Survey” on October 15. The online survey, conducted from September 18 to 26, 2025, targeted 1,046 mothers and fathers raising children.

When asked about the division of housework and childcare, the most common response was “mother 70%, father 30%” at 24.2%. This was followed by “mother 80%, father 20%” at 20%, and “mother 90%, father 10%” at 19.5%.

Overall, about 60% of respondents said mothers handle 70% or more of household and childcare tasks. The findings show that mothers still carry most of the domestic burden. Only 14.4% said they share responsibilities equally, and less than 10% said mothers handle 40% or less.

The burden of housework can prove overwhelming. There is at least one documented case of a woman working to death due to housework burdens. (Authorities declined to classify her case officially as karōshi, or death by overwork, because housework “doesn’t count” as a job.)

The housework imbalance in many households, where wives continue to shoulder most domestic tasks, may be fueling feelings of exhaustion and, among some mothers, a desire to quit motherhood.

Sources

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