Help – My Boyfriend’s an Otaku! Should I Dump Him?

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What do straight women in Japan think about dating men who are seriously into manga or virtual artists? An online forum provides some interesting insights.

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I’ve been interested for a while in how “otaku” (for lack of a better translation, nerds) are perceived in Japan.

The question is complicated by the fact that there really is no set definition of what an “otaku” is. Some experts in Japan, for example – such as psychiatrist Saitou Tamaki – define it in extremely negative terms as a person with a sexual complex surrounding two-dimensional characters. For the sake of this article, however, let’s stick with the conventional definition: an otaku is someone who’s absorbed in some 2D sub-culture, such as anime, manga, or – increasingly – virtual idols.

Given this, how are people with “otaku”-type interest perceived by others? It’s hard to find hard data around this. One source of information that provides some insight is online message boards, where Japanese women go to ask other women for advice. One board in particular, Girl’s Channel, has several threads devoted to the question of how (mostly cis straight) women perceive otaku cis straight men.

The answers to these questions were, at least for me, somewhat surprising.

My Boyfriend’s Love For 2D Idols

One woman wrote to Girl’s Channel with a dilemma: “My boyfriend’s a 2D idol otaku. Once every two months, he blows his salary and goes to a large venue concert. Part of me thinks it’s a harmless hobby, but I can’t shake this ill feeling about it.”[1]

Girl’s Channel uses a Reddit-style voting system for answers. And the top answers in this topic are, surprisingly, pretty tolerant towards the otaku BF:

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It’s bad taste to diss other people’s hobbies. If you had a hobby you were completely absorbed in, you’d get it.

It’s healthier than having a series of affairs with women at the office.

Say you’re sorry with an otaku dance.

ใ€ใ‚ฎใƒ‹ใƒฅ๏ฝž็‰นๆˆฆ้šŠ/GinyuforcEใ€‘ๅ‰ๅ‰ๅ‰ไธ–ใ‚’ใƒฒใ‚ฟ่Šธใง่กจ็พใ—ใฆใฟใŸ๏ผใ€ๅ›ใฎๅใฏใ€‚ใ€‘

7/16ๆ”พ้€ใ€Œไธ–็•Œใฎๆžœใฆใพใงใ‚คใƒƒใƒ†๏ผฑ๏ผใ€ใงๆŠซ้œฒใ—ใŸver.ใฎๅ‰ๅ‰ๅ‰ไธ–๏ผ๏ผ & 2018/8/26ๆ”พ้€ ใ€Œ24ๆ™‚้–“ใƒ†ใƒฌใƒ“41ใ€œๆ„›ใฏๅœฐ็ƒใ‚’ๆ•‘ใ†ใ€œใ€ ใง ใ‚คใƒƒใƒ†Qๅฅณ่Šธไบบใƒใƒผใƒ  & ๅญไพ›้” ๆŠซ้œฒver. ใใ‚‰ใพใตใ•ใ‚“ใฎๅ‰ๅ‰ๅ‰ไธ– https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=243iMt5Ff34 โ—‡ใ‚ฎใƒ‹ใƒฅใ€œ็‰นๆˆฆ้šŠ/Ginyu forcEโ—‡ โ‰ชHPโ‰ซhttp://www.ginyuforce-wotagei.com/ โ‰ชTwitterโ‰ซhttps://twitter.com/ginyu_wotagei โ‰ชmailโ‰ซginyu.wotagei@gmail.com Ginyu forcEใจใฏ ใ‚ฎใƒ‹ใƒฅ๏ฝž็‰นๆˆฆ้šŠใฎใ—ใ‚…ใ‚“ใ—ใ‚…ใ‚“ใจใ‚ฎใ‚ขใ‚’ไธญๅฟƒใจใ—ใฆๆง˜ใ€…ใชใƒฒใ‚ฟ่Šธใƒ—ใƒฌใ‚คใƒคใƒผใŒ้›†ใพใฃใŸใƒ‘ใƒ•ใ‚ฉใƒผใƒžใƒณใ‚นใƒฆใƒ‹ใƒƒใƒˆ -ใƒกใƒณใƒใƒผ- โ—†ใ‚ฎใ‚ข๏ผˆใ‚ฎใƒ‹ใƒฅ๏ฝž็‰นๆˆฆ้šŠ๏ผ‰ https://twitter.com/gear_stephenie โ—†ใ—ใ‚…ใ‚“ใ—ใ‚…ใ‚“๏ผˆใ‚ฎใƒ‹ใƒฅ๏ฝž็‰นๆˆฆ้šŠ๏ผ‰ https://twitter.com/ayapoyo777 โ—†ใŸใชใฃใก๏ผˆDHZ๏ผ‰ https://twitter.com/tanacchi_ryu ๏ผˆไปŠๅ›žไธๅœจ๏ผ‰ โ—†ใƒšใƒชใ‚ซใƒณ๏ผˆJKz๏ผ‰ https://twitter.com/perikan_tara โ—†ใ“ใ˜ใ“ใ˜๏ผˆEveninGlow๏ผ‰ https://twitter.com/koji_koji0103 โ—†ใ‚ˆใ—ใ๏ผˆDHZ๏ผ‰ https://twitter.com/yoshiki__1111 ใƒฉใ‚นใ‚ตใƒ“ๆŠ€ ใ‚ทใƒฅใƒผใƒ†ใ‚ฃใƒณใ‚ฐใ‚นใ‚ฟใƒผใ‚นใƒใ‚คใ‚ฏ ๆŒฏไป˜ๆง‹ๆˆ ใ‚ฎใ‚ข ็ทจ้›† ใ—ใ‚…ใ‚“ใ—ใ‚…ใ‚“ โ—‡surpported by LUMICAโ—‡ http://www.lumica.co.jp/

Truly, this is the only proper way to apologize for anything.

My husband’s a 2D idol otaku. He wasn’t into it before, but gradually sank into it thanks to people at his work. I think it’s better than having an affair or going to sex clubs. Since he’s started spending money on it, I told him I’d be revisiting some of the hobbies I’d been putting off, and now we both enjoy our assorted interests.

To be sure, there were also comments like the following that made it clear that a fondness for 2D idols was a deal-breaker:

I couldn’t do it. It’s creepy.

However, most commenters seemed to give the otaku the benefit of the doubt, and filed it under the category of “mostly harmless.”

The Type of Otaku You Avoid

Users of Girl’s Channel seem to count a fair number of female otaku among their ranks. So they may themselves be more tolerant towards otaku than the general population.

But not that tolerant. Another thread asks: What are the type of otaku you avoid?

The type who read Boys’ Love and go to Comiket.

The ones who hold penlights and go [to idol concerts] to otaku-dance.

I’ll pull back a bit if they’re seriously in love or considering marriage with a character in an anime.

An anime car is frightening.

ใ€Œ็—›่ปŠใ€ใฎ็”ปๅƒๆคœ็ดข็ตๆžœ
This car will ruin your love life. (Picture: YouTube)

I don’t need people who’re gonna push stuff from a genre they’re smitten with. Ah, but I’ll definitely run away if the walls of their room are plastered with sexualized anime goods.

These results are hardly scientific, of course. And the group is slanted towards 20-something women online, so as I noted, the demographic is likely to be much more tolerant towards media subcultures. Still, I found it interesting that the responses were so measured. In particular, both threads had a number of highly-rated comments warning against disparaging other people for having harmless hobbies. That seems like a healthy attitude to take no matter what your significant other’s interest might be.

References

[1] Girls Channel

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