Silence is Golden? Moving from “Quiet” Japan to the Wild, Wild West

Japan as an island nation is known to be respectful and quiet. Emma Ford describes what it's like to live this reality as a child growing up in the country - and then to suddenly find herself in a mirror world.

Want more UJ? Get our FREE newsletter 

Need a preview? See our archives

In surveys of national characteristics, the words ‘quiet’ or ‘shy’ often crop up when describing the Japanese nation. In Japan this is generally thought of as a positive trait. In the west, shyness, although sweet, is often seen with the connotation that it is an inhibiting and debilitating factor. It’s a description of someone who is lacking confidence or ability to get what they want. In the west, being quiet doesn’t get you anywhere. So why is there such a disparity between the concept in the west and Japan?

I grew up in rural Japan in my Japanese grandparents’ house, three generations together in a tight-knit rural community. It’s a pretty typical set-up in Japan but the number one rule either in at home or in public was to be very quiet – 大人しい(otonashii)which means to be quiet and calm. It’s telling that this word literally means ‘to be like a grown up’. Being an only female child in a house full of grown-ups, this was not a hard thing to learn, especially given that I was naturally a very shy child.

(Photo: Emma Ford’s personal collection)

Things were much the same at school. Quiet students who didn’t say anything until specifically asked were thought to be “good”, and my ever diminuendo vocal skills were thought of as ‘sweet’. Anyone speaking out in class before being asked were thought of as a bit of a buffoon and not respected, not just by the teachers but also by the pupils. Of course, kids are kids and we did play just as the kids in the West. But looking back, life was a lot quieter when I was in Japan. Noise levels were on the whole very low.

At the age of 11, I went to live in a rural town in England and started high school there. People talk about culture shock. It literally is that. I felt winded for the first few weeks at the local high school. It probably didn’t help that it was the end of term leading up to Christmas so everyone (including the teachers) were feeling festive and the lessons were less structured. It wasn’t exactly that being loud was praised, but it just seemed no one was quiet. Ever. People had group discussions in classes, lots of presentations were expected, and there was even a capella singing during lessons as it neared Christmas. Even school assemblies required several attempts by the headmaster to hush the cacophony.

To make matters worse: I had no spoken English skills at the time, and was unable to contribute to the melee – even if I’d not been too overwhelmed to do so.

Shyness on top of that meant I remained a silent observer in this wilderness for several subsequent years. This was such an oddity that it was suggested that I be referred to a psychiatrist or for counseling on more than one occasion. We didn’t take them up on this offer because, as far as my parent and I could see, there wasn’t anything really the matter. I was just otonashii. I still wonder to this day whether if, had the situation been reversed and I was too quiet even for Japan, the same concerns would have been raised.

There was a lot of emphasis at the English school on ‘confidence’, and lots of focus on the spoken word and presentation. In Japan, there certainly used to be an alignment between power and academic ability. It’s very linear: do well in your exams, and you are great. You get away with a lot just by being super clever – being “nerdy” didn’t really seem to be an issue in Japan, certainly not a cause for mockery. Bullies were often the bright ones, mocking the ones doing less well academically. In England I very much found that academia is great, but generally people strive for the ‘whole package’ and if anything, being too academic is considered to limit some other factors like EQ – being able to work well in a group or read situations.

(Photo: masa / PIXTA(ピクスタ))

I’d imagine the Japanese emphasis on quietness evolved over the years due to various factors such as the densely-packed lightly-constructed houses and the fundamentally ingrained culture of not standing out. Work hard as a nation, each one fulfilling their role, and the country will succeed. Some may say that that sort of colony-like attitude is what makes Japan both great and limited.

Of course, things are changing as globalization takes effect. Baby groups, nurseries and playschools no longer discourage noise. You are, as a mother, allowed to let your children make noise during rhyme time without leaving the room, you can have a relaxed group discussion in class, job interviews incorporate presentation skills, companies have more open group meetings with views exchanged, and salarymen may express their opinion – and even leave a company! The list below in the link shows a list of personality traits that the Japanese suspect are liked by foreigner still list passiveness and quietness in numbers 5 and 6 respectively. It would be interesting to see whether these traits would come under ‘good’ points, and for which countries!

日本人の特徴や性格11個!外国人から見た日本人のいいところと悪いところも!

オリンピックなども控え、今外国人から日本、日本人は注目を浴びています。そこで気になるが外国人から見た日本人の性格や特徴です。更に外国人からみて日本人のいいところと悪いところはどこなのか?気になりますよね。今回は日本人に関してまとめていきます!

(JP) Link: 11 Characteristics and Personality Traits of Japanese People! What Foreigners See as Both Our Best and Worst Points

I’m certain that, before long, Japan’s attitude to quietness will be much the same as in the West. Is that progress? I wonder sometimes. There will certainly always be a part of me that finds peace in societal consensus and loves the quirky quietness and uniqueness of the Japanese culture and people.

Want more UJ? Get our FREE newsletter 

Need a preview? See our archives

Japan in Translation

Subscribe to our free newsletter for a weekly digest of our best work across platforms (Web, Twitter, YouTube). Your support helps us spread the word about the Japan you don’t learn about in anime.

Want a preview? Read our archives

You’ll get one to two emails from us weekly. For more details, see our privacy policy